The Dress

The Dress

I grew up in a pastor’s home, the eldest of three girls. My dad was bi-vocational, so he worked a normal job in addition to being a pastor. My mom worked really hard at a Christian school teaching piano and other classes. She worked to help pay for our tuition at that school, which was a very expensive proposition for our family. But my parents wanted us to go to a school with a God view. It was that important to them. We actually drove thirty-five minutes to get to school, which was kind of unheard of in that time and place. 

We didn’t have a lot and there was stress about money between my parents. I mean, we were very well taken care of, we never lacked for anything, but there was no room for extras. In my teen years that anxiety about money became more and more of a thing in my life. There was peer pressure of course and a lot of different income levels at our school kind of drove that. Understanding how tight money was and not wanting to be a burden to my parents I tried never to ask for things. Later in life I would discover that I had a panic anxiety disorder that I believe stemmed from my concern about money from this early age. 

When I was sixteen years old, I had a situation that brought this all to a head for me. I was asked to sing and play keyboard at a special event at my school. The problem was, plain and simple, I didn’t have the proper attire to do it. But I didn’t want to ask my parents because I knew full well, we didn’t have the money for this. My parents were already sacrificing to give us a good Christian education, and I felt a lot of tension about asking for anything more. 

Still, I wanted to do this performance. It meant a lot to me. So, I remember going to my mom, and this was a hard conversation. I waited until one evening when we were alone in the living room, and I eventually worked up to it and just plain asked, “Mom, do you think I could get a new dress for the concert I’m going to be giving?” She never paused, never had to think, she just looked me right in the eye, and said, “Sweetheart. We just can’t afford a new dress. Why don’t you pray and ask God.” 

That was her immediate solution. Ask God. I had never thought to talk to God about it. It seemed like such an insignificant thing to bother God about. I felt selfish. But still, it was like a light bulb went on when she said that. Like, oh yeah, of course I should ask God. So I prayed to God for the dress for three straight days. Then at church on that Sunday, my mom came up to me after the service and asked, “Have you been praying about that dress?” I told her, “Yes. I have.” She said, “I have something to tell you.” 

We sat down next to each other and she continued, “Mrs. Kathryn came up to me just now and asked me if she could take you guys shopping this week to buy some new clothes.” 

I was stunned, elated, relieved, and so, so thankful. God had answered my prayer. And He answered it in spades. As it turns out in fact, not only did I get a new dress, I got a whole new wardrobe out of that shopping trip. Mrs. Kathryn bought me five or six dresses and my sisters too. She took all of us shopping. God doesn’t do the minimum. He goes over and above. 

Now I wish I could say I’m the person who from that moment on always trusted God with finances, but I’m not. I still struggle. I struggle with worry. I struggle with fear. But, I think God knew. He knew. He made us so He knows us better than anyone. He knew and figured I need that girl to have this moment now, because money is always going to be a thing for her. That moment has really formed an anchor for my faith that I still touch back to when I struggle. 

When I sit here at forty-something with two kids to put through college, one of whom wants to go somewhere I know we can’t afford, I’m back to that story and it makes me think like it says in the Bible, “you have not because you ask not.” And so it drives me to my knees to ask God specifically for these requests. Since that day with the dress, there’s been many moments in our lives, in our financial struggles, where we have asked, and God has shown up and provided. My husband always says, that unlike stocks, “God’s past performance is always an indicator of His future results.” Amen! 

C.C., Hilton Head, SC